What I've learned After 24 Years of Marriage | STACIE RAYE

What I've learned After 24 Years of Marriage

On Monday, my husband and I celebrated our 24th anniversary!  And, yes, no doubt the hubby and I enjoyed our day.  Now I will not profess that we have it all together because that would be so far from the truth, but I wanted to share some marriage tips on how we made it this far. Because honestly, not many marriages are lasting this long, especially in the black community. 








A few years ago, I remember being asked by MochaDad in a comment thread, what advice I had for other couples. I even thought about writing this blog post then but because our marriage isn't perfect, I didn't. 


But that's just it. No one's marriage is perfect and the longer I'm married, the more I realize that. People want to see the real. The good, the bad, and the ugly, because we all go through it. So today I just want to share some words of wisdom and encouragement that also serve as a reminder for me as well.



What I've learned After 24 Years of Marriage




1. Marriage takes work. Please don't think that when you get married it will always be a bed of roses. Oh, it will be good, trust me. But there will be days that you won't like your spouse, and he won't be feeling you either. But hang in there and work through it. Real talk!


2. You have to keep dating your spouse. This goes without saying but it's easy to get caught up in life, the kids, the house. You can end up neglecting your spouse.


3. Find out each of your love languages and try to meet them. We all have ways that we want to show our spouses that we love them but is it what they need? Are you giving your spouse gifts when they really just want your time? Just sayin'.


4. Read, study, and pray! Pray for your spouse because they struggle in ways that you would never know. Read marriage books and study because it can open your up understanding.


5. Learn how to listen to one another. Don't get so caught up in your feelings that you don't take time to listen to what the other person is saying. 


6. Surround yourself with other married couples. Don't do marriage alone. When you do this you will often see that you are not the only one who has issues and you can be encouraging to other couples as well.


7. Realize that your spouse will not complete you. You are already whole. If you think that once you get married, everything will be alright, I have bad news for you.  Your issues only get worse.  If you are already lonely, you will continue to be lonely in your marriage. I had to battle this myself, so I know what I'm talking about. Yes, you can be happy in a marriage, but my spouse is not my happiness. That has to come from God himself.


8. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Sometimes it can be too hard to work out on your own. remember Blackish? It's okay to talk with a pastor or church counselor, but don't be afraid to see a relationship coach or therapist because they are trained and help couples like you all the time.


9. The grass is greener where you water it. Oh, how I have had to work on this! If we're honest, sometimes you can look at another couple and think "Boy, they have got it all together."  That may indeed be true, but you don't see the sacrifice they put in to make their relationship work.  They water their grass, trim it, and pull up any signs of weeds. Don't compare your insides to someone else's outsides. Water your own dang grass!




Now as I said before, I wish I could tell you that I do all of these all the time, but I'm human. There are times when my husband makes me so mad that I want to punch him in the face (in my Madea voice), and at the same time he would rather hang out in his mancave than listen to my mouth. That's just marriage. I'm learning that day by day.



What marriage or relationship tips do you have?



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13 comments

  1. Beautiful post! We have to share as much of the truth about marriage as possible because there is a lot misunderstanding. Thank you for sharing your wisdom. Happy Anniversary!

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  2. Beautiful + happy anniversary to you both! Marriage is something I never seemed to get right lol...after my last divorced in 2009 my Dad say, "don't get married again" he was so serious lol....maybe one day since I've learned and grown I will try it again. These are all great lessons thank you for sharing them!

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  3. Happy Anniversary! I like all of these, they are all necessary. I would to make time to talk to one another. Not just when you are upset but to stay in tune with one another.

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  4. After 13 years, I definitely learned how to communicate better. Thanks for sharing your experience with us.

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  5. Happy Anniversary Stacie. This tips are spot on. My husband and I needed to keep dating and learning each other's love language. This is one thing I wish we did before he passed away.

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  6. Love it! Happy Anniversary! Great Tips! I think my tip would be to do Marriage your OWN way...what works for one couple may not work for yours and vice versa! I love your tip on not doing it alone!

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  7. Happy Anniversary!!! I love all of your tips. Especially, water your own grass. :)

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  8. I am happy for you two I am still single and this is inspiring thanks for sharing

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  9. I like this post and Happy Anniversary. I'm so happy to read about a relationship/marriage that has lasted for this long. I hope you guys have many more happy years together.

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  10. Congratulations on 24 years! I don't think I have better tips than what you shared after 18 years of marriage.

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  11. Congratulations! We did our love language test early on and it made such a huge difference in our relationship. We are just 14 years in so far, but having a blast!

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  12. You look so good together. These tips are all spot on. I appreciate your honesty and sincere advice. Will keep these in mind for when I get married

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  13. Congratulations on 24 years of marriage! I'm happy for you. I'm almost 8 years in, and I 'm sure theres a lot I can learn from you.

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